Barry Winbolt's Blog
If all that positive stuff is too much for you
In my last newsletter I explained some ways to avoid being dragged down by all the negative stuff that seems to surround us these days. It is true that life seems to be getting tougher on the economic front, and I suggested some ways of taking control of your thinking, to prevent that uncontrolled slide into low morale and negativity.
I know that my advice really works, not least because I have had to ‘walk the talk’ myself when going through tough times. As a therapist and consultant I’ve been showing people how to do this for years, so I know how effective it is. But I have also put it to the test personally, so I can tell you with utter conviction, that regardless of the crap that life throws at us, LIFE IS WHAT WE MAKE IT. We can choose how we experience our day-to-day existence on the planet.
So, as I said, a global crisis doesn’t have to be your personal drama.
But some people seem to LIKE the drama. And I’ve had a couple of reminders in talking to people recently that my advice on how to look at life does not suit everyone. So I got to thinking….
Oscar Wilde said that a pessimist is someone who “When he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.” A quirky observation perhaps, but psychological research has shown that people with a pessimistic outlook could be harmed by being forced to be upbeat. After all, none of us likes to be told to think in a way that is not natural for us.
So my point is, if you re naturally negative, and that works for you, here are some pointers to maximising your natural thinking style. Rather than looking seeing a crisis as an opportunity – as I suggested in my last newsletter – harness your natural negativity.
Try Natural Pessimism
There are several ways to use pessimism to your advantage if you are naturally inclined towards it. For some naturally pessimistic people, imagining the worst ‘most likely’ outcome of any situation is actually a way of managing their anxiety.
If redundancy and financial hardship are in the air, then really getting into the worry that it might be you who loses their job can be an effective strategy for coping with the worry and PLANNING for the worst.
They use their aptitude to pinpoint the negative aspects of a situation, and this motivates them to do something about it. This aspect is critical, because it turns the worry into a course of ACTION.
Worrying by itself is not recommended, especially when associated with a pervasive sense of powerlessness, because it is linked to depression, so it can be really defeating. If you find yourself sinking into this sort of rumination, distract yourself by doing something different. The key word here is DOING, as opposed to THINKING.
Help if you are depressed
Working with a negativist
Honouring pessimism
Coming back to my original point about respecting people who have a natural talent for pessimism, rather than trying to get them to change it. Part of my philosophy is that we should always try to respect the other person’s point of view. It follows that if someone really wants to be negative who am I to try to persuade them otherwise?
the most of all your negativity, if that is what turns you on. Maybe life is all doom and gloom really, and I have just missed it. Well, let’s put it this way, maybe you don’t buy into solutions, perhaps all this positive stuff turns you right off. Most of us don’t like change, so if all this is too much for you, and you’d rather stick to an easier path, here is how to do what many people are doing already, but do it properly.
Here is how to go about it:
Join the scaremongers
Enrol in the Doom and Gloom Club
Bury your head in the sand
life or looking for new ways to prosper. Much simpler though if you just ignore it all. Any time you feel a plan coming on, distract yourself. If you notice that this makes you feel a little guilty or irresponsible, ignore that too. So simple, yet so effective.
Believe all you read and hear
You are surrounded by bad news. As well as the naysayers, there are the media; Newspapers and TV are particularly good at feeding us negativity big-time. Soak it up, believe it, and bathe in the hopelessness as we talk ourselves deeper into recession. Then, watch the soaps. Nothing like an hour or two a day of authentic sounding drama and arguments to set you up for a troubled night’s sleep.