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I’m Wrong About Most Things, At Some Point

We shroud ourselves in beliefs that help us feel secure. One of these is that things tomorrow will be the same as they were yesterday. But the idea that things don’t change is a delusion, that is all.

Nothing wrong with that, but it is best to recognise it, and to keep an open mind about what will happen next. The greater our need to keep things the way they are, the greater the risk of disappointment and even neurosis.

Trying to control the uncontrollable is unpleasant for us, and those around us.

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Selective Optimism for Pessimists

There are advantages to optimism that are worth considering, but some people are put off because they don’t want to be disloyal to negativity.

Optimism and pessimism are generally seen as opposites, but that doesn’t mean they are mutually exclusive; learning optimism does not mean abandoning negativity. If that is what turns you on, stick with it.

If you tend towards a pessimistic outlook, how about learning selective optimism? That way you can get the benefits and still be true to your negativity.

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Break the Pattern and Soar Like a Starling

break the pattern

Learning to spot patterns of interaction can be the key to repair in a disfunctional relationship. The beauty of this approach is that you don’t need to see the overall picture, nor come up with a solution. You simply have to learn to break the pattern.

More surprisingly, this works even if you can’t actually SEE the pattern. You simply have to step out of line…

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Kindness by Degrees at Work

A Degree in Kindness

Why we study and what we study seem to be linked to earning a living, rather than preparing us for life.

The two are linked, but as so often happens we lose sight of the bigger picture.

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What to Use When Things Are Broken

Feelings and impressions are powerful drivers in relationships. Their impact can be creative, or destructive.

Usually, we only start to think about things like trust and respect when they are lost or threatened. That’s a bit late, but it’s never too late.

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A year to think

I took a year out to think. I wanted to clear up loose ends and unfinished projects, and to see my way to the next part of my journey. I used the metaphor of “clearing the weeds to allow new growth”. Instead of stopping everything, I stopped taking on new work projects. I cleared the decks of the old ones and dropped a couple that were planned. I used my ‘weeds’ metaphor and people seemed to understand.
And now, almost a year to the day, I can see the way forward. I have a new sense of purpose, new enthusiasm, and greater energy than I have had for years.
You may ask “What has grown in the space?”

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Watch the Pot After All

Getting things done

If you want to make changes in yourself it was once thought to be a bad idea to talk about it until you’d reached your goal.

Solution Focused Therapists have always thought this is not the best way to go about things; checking progress AND acknowledging it really helps. Now new research confirms it.

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Latest from the blog

I’m Wrong About Most Things, At Some Point

We shroud ourselves in beliefs that help us feel secure. One of these is that things tomorrow will be the same as they were yesterday. But the idea that things don’t change is a delusion, that is all.

Nothing wrong with that, but it is best to recognise it, and to keep an open mind about what will happen next. The greater our need to keep things the way they are, the greater the risk of disappointment and even neurosis.

Trying to control the uncontrollable is unpleasant for us, and those around us.

Continue reading

Selective Optimism for Pessimists

There are advantages to optimism that are worth considering, but some people are put off because they don’t want to be disloyal to negativity.

Optimism and pessimism are generally seen as opposites, but that doesn’t mean they are mutually exclusive; learning optimism does not mean abandoning negativity. If that is what turns you on, stick with it.

If you tend towards a pessimistic outlook, how about learning selective optimism? That way you can get the benefits and still be true to your negativity.

Continue reading
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