Skip to Navigation

Arguing is often seen as destructive, it is also often believed to be synonymous with relationships in difficulty. But then, some psychologists have said the people who never argue are also in an unhealthy relationship.

Having worked for years in conflict resolution, in families and in the workplace, I have watched lots of arguments. It’s a privileged position from which to observe how people argue, forensically. I have also participated in quite a few ‘domestics’ of my own (just because I know some stuff at work it doesn’t always follow that I can do it at home!).

Arguing need not be destructive. I’m not promoting it as a strategy and the old saw about ‘clearing the air’ has its own air stable-door logic, but done right, even a heated argument can be a valuable exchange. The problem in not that we argue, but how we argue.

Productive arguments bear all the hallmarks of good communications – like listening, acknowledgment and recognition of the other’s points – just as destructive arguments break all the rules and seek only annihilation.

Done properly, arguments strengthen relationships so that, taken to their logical conclusion, arguments finally become unnecessary.

 

What do you think? Share your thoughts...

Latest from the blog

Conversational Insights and Openings

We frequently abandon conversations before they really get started. Once sparks begin to fly – or we fear that they will – we back off.

Yet that is precisely the moment to engage in discussion, but that would require commitment to overcoming the fears of our own imaginings. Our excuse is that that to keep talking will make things worse. It doesn’t, if you go about it the right way.

The trouble is, no-one ever tells us how to do it, so we grow up with childish notions about opposition automatically leading to a fight.

That only happens because we make it happen by fighting.

Continue reading

It Speaks for Itself

We can learn a lot from our elders and betters, yet we often disregard their wisdom.

When somebody has been around for a long time they might have something interesting to tell us.

Continue reading

How to Remedy Guilty Feelings

Manage feelings, confidence boosting

If you are troubled by unwanted feelings of guilt, here’s an exercise that can help. It is part of my soon-to-be-released online course ‘How to be Free of Guilt’.

The trick is to make the feelings disappear by making mischief.

Continue reading
FREE DOWNLOAD - Get it now.

How to be more Resilient

Get my super-helpful guide '9 Steps to Resilience' absolutely FREE, when you subscribe to my newsletter.

Understand the steps to resilience and you can develop the ability to cope with problems and setbacks with less stress and more confidence.
close-link
%d bloggers like this: