Skip to Navigation

I’ve heard this quite often, when I do it provokes the trickster in me to respond (or is it the therapist in me?) with a question that always shows the statement to be false.

I politely ask things like: “Tell me your bank account details, and be sure to include your PIN number please”, of “Do you always lie like that?”. I have a couple of other questions too, but you might misunderstand my motives so I won’t mention them here.

You get my point though? It’s pretty easy to get someone to say “No”, often much easier than getting them to say “Yes”. And I get THEIR point, some people do have difficulty in setting their boundaries, polite refusal, or rebuttle of unwanted advances. And I sympathise. But I also like to rattle their cage a little with questions that show that self-defeating statement to be false.

I don’t do it to be contrary; that is, I don’t ONLY do it to be contrary. Remember my strapline, “Life doesn’t have to be like that”? I do it to demonstrate something.

Once the spell of negative belief has been broken, even for a moment, it can start a chain reaction because some part of the mind has to accept the folly of the original statement. This is true of all generalisations (All men/women are…”, “The entire human race is…”,   “He she is never on time…” etc) .

The more you say something like that the more it becomes real for you. But if you temper it a little with “On some occasions I can’t say ‘No’”, or “I find it difficult to say ‘no’ to her/him”, you’ll be doing yourself a favour.

Nothing is constant and no statements we can  make about ourselves should be be self-defining fixtures (That sounds a bit of a generalisation to me!). Anyone can say “No” some of the time, but some need more encouragement than others.

 

What do you think? Share your thoughts...

Latest from the blog

Choosing Between Difference and Similarity (or Anything Else)

Difference is important, sometimes. But it can lead us to overlook shared interests, common goals and loads of things that psudo-science calls ‘stuff’.

Have fun with your language this weekend. Let me know how it goes.

Continue reading

Make Rules and You’ll Have to Police Them

rules

Families are full of rules and most operate below our radar. We all have them, make them, break them and live by them. But, rules can be burdensome, especially when you are the rule-maker.

Continue reading
FREE DOWNLOAD - Get it now.

How to be more Resilient

Get my super-helpful guide '9 Steps to Resilience' absolutely FREE, when you subscribe to my newsletter.

Understand the steps to resilience and you can develop the ability to cope with problems and setbacks with less stress and more confidence.
close-link
Take my

Resilience Survey

Help me to help you. Your answers will enable me to design products to help you develop your personal resilience.
Yes please, I'll take the
2-minute survey
close-link
%d bloggers like this: