Skip to Navigation

You are familiar with images that show two things at the same time; one aspect usually dominates. So much so that some people can’t see the second interpretation, even when its pointed out to them. The image that simultaneously depicts two faces and a vase is an example. It’s an exercise in perception that has surprising parallels in life.

Take conversation, for example. Maybe you need to have an important discussion with someone aimed at getting their agreement. You hope they’ll see your point of view. You are certainly able to see that they have a point of view (so you say), but you still think they should come round to your way of thinking.

This is a subtle process. However liberal, politically correct and free-thinking we are, and whatever we tell ourselves about our motives, we all spend a hell of a lot of time trying to get our own way. Sure, we dress it up and delude ourselves in all sorts of ways, but the bottom line is, we want to get our own way.

Paradoxically, the best way to do this is not by pushing to ‘win’ or ‘persuade’. The best way to go about it is to embrace both points of view wholeheartedly. Demonstrate this to the other person by forming an alliance with them as a starting point for discussion, then ask how you can both get your needs met.

I call this ‘holding desires lightly’. You may know what you want, but be prepared to relinquish it for the sake of an alliance. In earnest discussions, slavishly sticking to your desires will often mean you’ll miss a bigger opportunity.

 

What do you think? Share your thoughts...

Latest from the blog

Why It’s Better to Believe What Makes You Comfortable Than What Is True

Comfort zone

Metaphorically, you might say, some people will stop to look in a mirror to see what they could learn, while others will hurry past it, in case they learn something.

Continue reading

Which Community Do You Belong To?

A community is held together by shared interest and respect for other members. In this sense of community, people rally round ideas and aspirations in the hope of carrying both forward. Yet most of us pay only lip-service to the values of the communities we belong to, doing little or nothing to help them flourish.

On the other hand, there are those who are able to bring some passion to the game. They explore what they think and feel about who they are, where they fit in the grand scheme of things, their purpose, and what it all means to them.

Continue reading

Thermometers and Thermostats

Which one are you? A thermometer measures the ambient temperature of its milieu. It checks and reports. A thermostat on the other hand responds to its environment. It also checks, but then it makes little adjustments… it actually influences the environment. You might say that a thermometer is a rather passive receptor, and a thermostat […]

Continue reading
FREE DOWNLOAD - Get it now.

How to be more Resilient

Get my super-helpful guide '9 Steps to Resilience' absolutely FREE, when you subscribe to my newsletter.

Understand the steps to resilience and you can develop the ability to cope with problems and setbacks with less stress and more confidence.
close-link
%d bloggers like this: