how to be calmer

I was asked this question recently: “How do I become a calm-minded person?” You can be calmer in most situations with a little regular practice. The key here is to work on yourself by improving your stress responses generally, and building your resilience.

The person asking the question offered some personal details like low mood and irritability, and that they often feel lonely.

From the point of view of giving advice, this is relatively low on information. I knew nothing about the person, their age, gender, or their life situation. But, the question was asked and I always like to offer something useful in response. Also, if I look back over the hundreds of questions I’ve received over the last couple of years, this question is part of a theme; “I’m lonely, I’m sad, my life is not how I want it to be, what can I do to make things better?”

I decided to write about this question because, as a Solution-Focused practitioner, I believe that it is simpler and more effective to move towards a goal, than it is to struggle with the ‘problem’.  

Becoming a calm-minded person in any situation can be a challenge, but it is a worthwhile goal to pursue. Here are a few strategies that may help:

  1. Practice mindfulness: This involves paying attention to your thoughts and feelings in the present moment, without judgment. This can help you become more aware of your emotions and reactions, and may help you respond to challenging situations with more clarity and calmness.
  2. Engage in relaxation techniques: There are many different relaxation techniques that you can try, such as deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or meditation. These techniques can help you reduce stress and find inner peace.
  3. Exercise regularly: Regular physical activity has been shown to have a positive effect on mental health and can help you feel calmer and more focused.
  4. Get enough sleep: Lack of sleep can lead to irritability and difficulty managing stress. Make sure you get enough restful sleep each night. Start by going to bed and getting up at regular times, and follow the standard advice on developing healthy sleep habits.
  5. Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is important for maintaining overall well-being. Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit, such as hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or taking a break from technology.
  6. Seek support: If you are struggling to manage your emotions, consider seeking support from a counsellor, or a trusted friend or family member. They can offer guidance and strategies for coping with challenging situations.

Becoming a calm-minded person is a process, and it may take time and practice to develop these skills. Be patient with yourself and remember that it is okay to ask for help when you need it.

If you find that you are struggling to manage your emotions or are feeling overwhelmed, it may be helpful to speak with a mental health professional who can offer guidance and strategies for coping with challenging situations. They can help you identify the root causes of your stress and develop a plan to manage it effectively.

I’m a psychologist, coach, and therapist. All my work is aimed at enabling people to improve personal aspects of their lives and work.