Skip to Navigation

Next time someone upsets you it might help to reduce the tension  if you remember three things:

  1. No-one upsets us, we upset ourselves by the way we interpret their actions (that is, the meaning we attribute to an event).
  2. Our interpretations – or meanings – are often wrong (Two examples: Gail is late = interpretation: she is late because she doesn’t care about me. Or, John is scowling = interpretation: John is angry. Perhaps Gail stopped to help someone on her way and that made her late, and maybe John just got toothache, or swallowed a fly!) It’s our dodgy and premature interpretations that give us grief, not the event.
  3. For daily events like these we usually don’t need meanings. It’s just that the mind has a mind of its own and, unless stopped, will analyse, ruminate and conjure until it comes up with a ‘satisfactory’ explanation.

The cure for this is to resist looking for explanations. “Gail is late, full-stop. “I have just noticed that John is scowling.”

Trouble starts with what comes next. No ’next’? No problem!

 

What do you think? Share your thoughts...

Latest from the blog

Why It’s Better to Believe What Makes You Comfortable Than What Is True

Comfort zone

Metaphorically, you might say, some people will stop to look in a mirror to see what they could learn, while others will hurry past it, in case they learn something.

Continue reading

Which Community Do You Belong To?

A community is held together by shared interest and respect for other members. In this sense of community, people rally round ideas and aspirations in the hope of carrying both forward. Yet most of us pay only lip-service to the values of the communities we belong to, doing little or nothing to help them flourish.

On the other hand, there are those who are able to bring some passion to the game. They explore what they think and feel about who they are, where they fit in the grand scheme of things, their purpose, and what it all means to them.

Continue reading

Thermometers and Thermostats

Which one are you? A thermometer measures the ambient temperature of its milieu. It checks and reports. A thermostat on the other hand responds to its environment. It also checks, but then it makes little adjustments… it actually influences the environment. You might say that a thermometer is a rather passive receptor, and a thermostat […]

Continue reading
FREE DOWNLOAD - Get it now.

How to be more Resilient

Get my super-helpful guide '9 Steps to Resilience' absolutely FREE, when you subscribe to my newsletter.

Understand the steps to resilience and you can develop the ability to cope with problems and setbacks with less stress and more confidence.
close-link
%d bloggers like this: