“Guilt is a largely redundant emotion”. There, I’ve said it, and I don’t feel to bad about it actually.
If it turns out I’ve done something wrong I can always apologise and make amends, in the meantime I’m letting guilt go, I can always worry about it later.
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Guilt can be perverse and insistent. Perverse because it can hang around long after it has done it’s job, and insistent because it keeps knocking long after you’ve not only heard it, you’ve let it in and got the message.
On occasions it also persuades you that we have to put up with it, but you don’t.
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While some people seem to have the edge from birth and are naturally more confident than others, self-concept is not a fixed attribute and it can be developed at any time.
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You have to have a conscience in order to feel guilty, but don’t get them mixed up. Unhealthy guilt sets in when don’t think you’ve anything to feel guilty about, but you get the guilty feelings anyway. In extreme cases, you’ll apologise when there’s nothing to say sorry for.
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Guilt is not motivating. Though it CAN make you try harder in some situations, as a strategy it fails more often than it succeeds. It helps to be in tune with yourself, and to understand your values.
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My dentist will never know how happy she made me when she asked her receptionist to call me this morning.
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Remembering and honouring the past is a personal and private commitment to that which we have lost. It’s a kind of contract.
Memories fade with time, they are meant to. But that doesn’t mean we have to forget, it simply means the relationship is changing. With luck, it’ll enter an even richer phase.
Continue readingIs it selfish to look after yourself? Surely, ‘selfishness’ is a judgement usually bestowed on us by others.
These questions might help you decide for yourself.
Continue readingGuilt may be a necessary emotion but it quickly becomes redundant when it makes itself a nuisance and won’t take criticism.
Any emotion that takes centre stage, assumes adulation and becomes petulant has outlived its usefulness. Above all, it cannot take criticism.
Continue readingNobody is born knowing how to manage their emotions. True, some seem more naturally disposed to being able to do it, but even the most gifted have to practice the skills.
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