Do you have a sort of 'inner dictator' that controls your behaviour without you realising it? I do, but I'm getting control and breaking through an invisible ceiling of my own making. Seeing some of my irrationality for what it is might help me to conquer it.
Adapting to change can be a shock to the system, and It takes time. You can't set a timetable – everyone adapts differently – but usually a few months or a couple of years are enough for someone to start living comfortably with 'the new reality', and re-building a life. In this case, it's a divorce, but whatever the change, we all manage the process in our own way. It helps to have insight, to be honest with oneself, and to accept. But occasionally people get stuck. It's a doubly painful when they don't even realise it.
Eager to change who you are? You might be missing something.
Do you see difference, or do you see similarity? They are different, but also the same. It just depends which aspect you choose to focus on. There's a kind of fuzzy logic to it.