Understanding needs between partners is vital to maintain a strong bond; feeling heard and understood is a basic human need.

There’s a widespread belief that understanding your partner means agreeing with them. But this is wrong. Understanding means listening to them and acknowledging your partner purposefully and intently. It means checking what they’re saying. Since we can never FULLY understand it means doing our best and asking things like “So let me check, what you are saying is…”, (obviously, this should not sound as if you are speaking to a three-year-old, nor patronising).

When you clarify like this it produced a different, deeper and more constructive conversation. Your partner will not need to struggle to clarify their perspective because they’ll feel that you get it. Even if you might not agree, you have understood their position.