“Self-compassion is recognising that you are experiencing a challenging moment, and caring enough about yourself to respond in a kind way, without harsh judgements.” – Jeff Warren

It seems that many people mistake self-compassion for a sign of weakness. They fear it will make them soft, indulgent, or less driven. In reality, self-compassion is the opposite: it’s a courageous act that demands honesty and care in equal measure.

Our culture primes us to believe that, to be strong, you must be hard on yourself. But that kind of strength is shallow and easily fragmented. Also, whether you realise it or not, it’s tiring; it burns a lot of energy keeping the façade in place.

Nevertheless, this pervasive image is a tough one to shift. It takes self-awareness, insight, and courage to peek behind the façade to understand what’s really going on, and to connect with your own vulnerabilities. Not for the faint-hearted.

Reframing takes heart

Recognising when you’re struggling takes awareness. It means looking into your heart to find what you need at that moment. It means admitting, without denial or bravado, that something hurts or that you’ve hit a limit. This is not defeat, it’s clarity. Pretending you’re fine when you’re not only deepens your distress, holds back growth, and delays recovery from whatever the challenge or setback.

The second step is how you respond. Many of us default to self-criticism, the inner voice that says “not good enough,” “should have tried harder,” or “you are failing.” That voice could feel as if it’s pushing you forward. In truth, though, it erodes confidence and resilience by suggesting that you need to push on through. This allows no space for introspection and reflection, no space for learning and growth.

Self-compassion interrupts that cycle. It asks: *What would I say to a friend in this exact situation?* It can then turn that kindness inward, to where it is really needed.

Personal tragedy

There is tragedy in the ‘push on through’ strategy when it is unconscious; a mindless reaction based on what society seems to respect and admire in the human spirit. Sure, grit and determination are to be admired, but only when it is a purposeful choice that doesn’t obscure or deny some deeper, personal need.

Responding to yourself with care doesn’t mean backing down, lowering standards, or avoiding responsibility. It means having the insight to creat the emotional safety you need to face challenges without being held hostage by shame. When you treat yourself with self-compassion and kindness, you conserve energy for problem-solving, instead of wasting it on self-criticism. You build resilience by learning to recover faster after setbacks.

The strongest people are not those who never falter, but those who know how to support themselves when they do. Self-compassion equips you to step back into the arena with clarity, focus, and strength. It is not weakness – it’s the foundation of self-knowledge and courage.

More about Jeff Warren

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