I was asked “How do you cope when you have to do everything by yourself?” Here’s my answer:

I’ve been there! Several times in my life I have found myself believing that “it all fell on me”. In a couple of long term situations this was true. More on that below. In others, I was simply overwhelmed by the seriousness of what I was facing. There was no doubting the challenges that I faced, but my mindset (feeling low, alone, unheard and neglected) was not helping.

In both situations the route to productivity, constructive action, and self preservation is the same.

1) I accept where I am and what life has presented me with

2) I accept that I can only do one thing at a time, and just get on with my ‘list’

3) I can only deal with what is in front of me, so I don’t bother with things I can’t do something about

4) If Im caring for another person, I stay compassionate towards them, it’s amazing how this focusses me on them rather than myself

5) If I start to feel sorry for myself I do something to distract myself from those feeling (like 4) above for example)

6) I practice mindfulness every day (I use the Calm app)

7) I stay proud of my resilience and coping abilities. I don’t brag, I’m a private person but I realise that I’m lucky and that selflessness strengthens me

8) I keep in contact with friends and family, making sure we find reasons to laugh

9) I get plenty of rest, and regular exercise walking the dog, swimming when I can, etc

10) I make sure I get time to myself, somewhere where I can read and take a break.

These are things I have learned through 30 years of facing some extreme personal challenges where I felt that it all rested on me to support others or fix things. It’s a sense of personal responsibility, so I just get on with it. I’m nearly 80, and still happy and buoyant.

When we feel out of control, it’s all down to the one thing we can control, our attitude.

I hope this helps.