This post was prompted by a question I was asked this morning. “What kind of mindset changes can help you overcome the feeling that you’ve destroyed your life with one choice?”

You didn’t ruin your life with one choice – you changed a chapter. That truth doesn’t minimise the pain, but it reframes it: a chapter can be revised, not erased.

First, adopt a growth mindset. Stop treating mistakes as permanent labels (“I’m a failure”) and start seeing them as data. What happened? What choices led here? What parts were outside your control? Use curiosity, not shame, to map the problem. That habit turns paralysis into action.

Second, separate identity from behaviour. You are not your worst decision. Identity fusion — equating “I made a mistake” with “I am rubbish” — fuels hopelessness. Practice statements like: “I did something I regret, and I can respond differently.” That tiny linguistic shift frees you.

Third, narrow the time perspective. Catastrophising imagines the current moment as permanent. Zoom out: what will this look like in five years? Likely smaller. In the short term, list three concrete next steps (call, save, apply, apologise) and do one today. Action reduces anxiety.

Fourth, embrace radical responsibility without self-punishment. Responsibility asks “What can I do now?” not “How can I punish myself?” Take ownership where appropriate, make amends if needed, and set boundary limits for repeated harm. Repairing agency heals.

Fifth, cultivate flexible optimism. Optimism doesn’t ignore risk — it balances it with resourcefulness. Ask: “Given constraints, what are my options?” Brainstorm at least five possibilities, however small.

Finally, build a safety net. Connect with someone who will tell you the truth kindly – a friend, therapist, or mentor. Structure small routines: sleep, movement, nutritious food. These stabilise thinking and create energy to change course.

You won’t flip a switch and feel fine. But one choice is rarely a life sentence. developing a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset (“I can learn, I can change”, as opposed to “This is the way I am, I can’t change”), by following the steps above turns blame into a strategy, despair into steps, and doom into a plan you can test and repair. Start with one tiny step now. Keep moving; progress compounds even when it feels invisible. Always.

Photo: Pexels/Rocketmannprod