Authenticity is the degree to which someone’s behaviour is aligned with their beliefs and their values, despite social and other pressures to conform.
In a world that is constantly making demands on us, where we urged to fit in. Our expectations and those of others can lead us to shape an image of ourselves that doesn’t reflect who we truly are.
We are bombarded with messages from the media which tell us how we should be, what we should look like, and what we should consume. It’s hard to keep a clear head and hang on to our authentic, individual identity when the influences around us want to crowd it out.
What is the cost?
Attempting to be something you are not, implies that you don’t accept yourself as you are. This can create inner tension, and it also undervalues you. People have a ‘nose’ for sincerity, so if you are behaving inauthentically it will influence the quality of your relationships; consciously or otherwise, we don’t feel comfortable around people who are not being themselves.
It also means that, instead of building and maintaining your positive qualities and pride and confidence in your character, you are working to keep a false facade in place.
The energy that goes into doing things you don’t believe in and/or maintaining a phoney image is wasted. This is true in your personal life and at work. It takes courage and self-awareness to look inside yourself and redirect that energy, but it is worth the effort.
Why is authenticity important?
There are strong links between personal authenticity and psychological wellbeing, physical health, and the ability to connect with others. To think and act authentically, you must also be in touch with your values, and in turn, what you will and will not accept in terms of how others treat you. In short, you are better able to manage your personal boundaries.
People who are authentic experience more positive emotions, contentment, and social ease. If you are acting authentically it’s also likely that you feel more in control, with a sense of purpose and responsibility for your actions.
How can you tell?
If you are self-aware enough to ask yourself this question, deep down, you probably know the answer.
Maybe you behave differently depending on the company you are in. For example, you feel that, to be accepted, you have to behave or speak in a particular way to your manager or co-workers. Or, you get caught up in toxic situations because you feel unable to set boundaries.
Of course, there is always pressure to fit in, to win acceptance and approval. Any of us will want to project an image of ourselves the fits what we perceive to be the expectations of others, at some time and in some situations. But, wanting to be on your ‘best behaviour’ or needing to align yourself with opinions or actions you wouldn’t normally choose, can mean that you are not being authentic.
Six steps to authenticity
There is a cycle of authenticity – the more you are authentic, the more confident you become. The more confident you feel, the easier it is to be authentic. However, confidence alone is not enough; a psychopath or a bully can be confident, but that won’t make them authentic.
Take a moment to reflect and rate yourself on each of the six elements of authenticity. Be honest, and if you think you could do better in any of these areas, work to improve yourself.
Understand your values
Being authentic means having awareness of your core values. Your values are the rules you live by, they are the underlying beliefs that steer your choices, decisions, and judgements. They tell you what kind of person you are and provide ‘maps’ for your decisions and actions.
Recognise your true feelings
People who can recognise and identify their feelings accurately, as they happen, are, as Daniel Goleman says “better pilots of their lives.” They have a surer grasp on their decisions and why they make them. It is crucial for self-understanding and it implies that you can also manage strong emotions so that you are less likely to act impulsively.
Be honest with yourself
Being totally honest with yourself may feel uncomfortable at first, that’s natural. However, it is a life skill that will serve you well in many situations. Balanced self-appraisal is a core component in personal development and emotional intelligence, so it is worth the effort.
Maintain your boundaries
The ability to set boundaries and keep them intact means valuing yourself, understanding your needs, and protecting yourself from unacceptable behaviour when you choose to. Clear personal boundaries are vital in being authentic.
Speak the truth
Be direct and let others know that, in dealing with you, they will be treated respectfully and fairly, and that you expect the same in return. Speaking truthfully does not have to be aggressive nor brutal, so if you expect respect, show it to others.
Take responsibility
Being authentic means that you take responsibility for your thoughts and actions. If something goes awry, rather than blaming and attacking, you look inside yourself and learn where you could have done better. This doesn’t mean ‘taking the blame’, but taking a clear-eyed look at your part in the situation.
With confidence
While we may not intend to create a fake persona, the need to conform, and the dual influences of social media and social pressures make it is almost inevitable that, at times, that will happen.
To counter this, being authentic takes courage and self-awareness. Being honest with yourself and true to your values are the initial building blocks of authenticity. Be clear about your boundaries, stand firm on your opinions and your needs, take responsibility for what you say and do, and be confident that you’ll be acting authentically.
References
Lenton, A. et al., How Does “Being Real” Feel? The Experience of State Authenticity, Journal of Personality 81:3, June 2013, viewed 11/07/21 <https://www.southampton.ac.uk>
Seligman, M., Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realise your Potential for Lasting Fulfilment, Nicolas Brearly Publishing, London, 2017.
