The Quandary of Indecision: There Is No ‘Perfect Choice’

Have you ever felt stuck by the fear of making the wrong choice, failing at something new, or just worried about making the perfect choice? That kind of paralysis is more common than we like to admit. Learning to live with life’s contradictions can loosen relapse you from being stuck. It gives you a more flexible and empowering way to move through indecision, and opens up possibilities you might otherwise miss.

What is a quandary?

A quandary is simply a state of uncertainty about what to do in a difficult situation. Across my work as a therapist, mediator, and consultant, I’ve spent a lot of time alongside other people’s quandaries. I don’t want to minimise the pain, heartache, or consequences tied to those situations, but more often than not, they are by-products of life itself rather than signs that something has gone terribly wrong.

The good news is that struggle is normal. The bad news is that, at some point, all of us will feel stuck. A common thread running through many of these moments is inertia – a freezing up when faced with a difficult choice.

No one gets it right all the time. Some things we do will work out well; others won’t. Taking a philosophical, win-some-lose-some view can help us recover from setbacks and disappointments. But there’s a catch. If we lean on this too heavily, we can quietly start valuing “wins” more than “losses,” and success more than failure, without ever questioning that hierarchy.

Another way of looking at this is to recognise that winning and losing can’t actually be separated. They’re not opposing outcomes; they’re part of the same process. Instead of aiming for the right outcome, it can be more useful to aim for anoutcome. Movement matters. Trying things makes things happen, and action increases the chance of learning, adjustment, and progress.

This doesn’t mean throwing everything at the wall all the time. If something is working, stick with it. But dividing experience into neat categories of success and failure creates a false choice. In trying to avoid failure altogether, we often block access to growth, creativity, and discovery.

Exploring, creating, and inventing have value in their own right. And sometimes, by trying more than one approach, you stumble across something valuable that you’d never have found by playing it safe.

Compatible opposites

When pressure rises, we tend to default to extremes. Picking a side feels cleaner: one option is “right,” the other “wrong.” But real progress often comes from holding two important truths at the same time. Both-and thinking isn’t vague or indecisive—it’s a practical way of dealing with complexity without boxing yourself in.

Notice where you slip into rigid either-or choices: action versus rest, ambition versus contentment, stability versus change. These aren’t competing options; they’re balancing forces. Treating them that way opens up far more workable solutions. You don’t have to sacrifice your wellbeing to achieve something meaningful, and you don’t have to lower your standards to stay grounded.

This mindset also changes how you relate to others. You can hold firm boundaries and remain open to understanding someone else’s perspective. You can expect accountability and offer compassion. When you stop forcing everything into a single lane, conversations become less defensive and more productive.

In decision-making, both-and thinking shifts the goal. Instead of searching for the perfect answer, you look for combinations that move you forward. You might take a risk while building a safety net, or keep a long-term vision while adjusting short-term steps. That flexibility makes you more resilient when circumstances change.

Ultimately, both-and thinking gives you room to breathe. It accepts that life isn’t a simple equation and that growth rarely follows a straight line. When you allow two valid truths to coexist, your options expand—and so does your sense of what’s possible.

What do you think? Please leave a comment below.