How to Stop an Argument

Hello, Barry Winbolt here with a quick idea that may help you, if ever you have an argument, or argument. Arguments, as you know, blight many people’s lives and they can come back to haunt us very often. The with arguments is they very rarely solve a problem. They mostly create their own problem, which is the argument and the problem that caused the argument.

As a conflict resolver relationship therapist and all the other things that I do. I’ve been naturally exposed to a lot of arguments in my life and I’ve had a few as well. So I’ve learned a thing or two. So here’s a quick couple of minutes to give you a few pointers on how to stop an argument.

This is the transcript to my Tinycast How to Stop an Argument and End the Pain. You can hear the full version on any of the usual channels including Spotify, Podbean, Apple, and others.

Because if you’re about to have an argument, you need to hear this right now. Now, there’s only one way to stop an argument, and that is of course. To stop it. Stop it before it gets hot. Stop it while you still can, while you still have control. Don’t trust your feelings. They lie to you. You know that your feelings are there to keep you in the argument.

By the time it’s gone red in your mind, by the time you’ve passed that threshold. You are losing it, and there’s no way an argument is gonna solve the problem. You may get something out of it. Oh, and of course, I know there are always those smart people who say in my work workshops and seminars, oh, but arguments how clear they are.

Well, okay, fine, but there are better ways of clearing the air than shouting at each other. So don’t trust your feelings. That is a real rule of thumb, as far as I’m concerned. Get mastery of your feelings. Understand that your feelings are there to do a job, and the job when you’re arguing is to keep you fighting and you don’t need to keep fighting because it won’t.

Solve anything. You need to walk away while you can. Very, very important. If you are in an ongoing relationship, long-term relationship, happy marriage as I am, you probably would be well advised to discuss your tactics when it’s not a hot issue. So in other words, agree on what either one of you can do. If you feel that it starts to escalate beyond the point of no control, and it will pass that point very quickly, as you know.

So one thing to do is to agree when you’re calm, cool, and collected, go to the pub, go somewhere else, chill. Go to the park and discuss your methodology for resolving differences because you’re going to have differences. And one methodology is. If I walk away, I’m not walking away from the problem. I’m walking away from the way we’re discussing it and hang on to that idea because it’s a very powerful one.

So walk away while you can, and of course, as you turn and walk, that other person, if they’re doing their job properly and following their feelings, there will be jibes and torn. Oh, that’s right. You walk away just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, insult, and then you just can’t leave. Can you. And by the way, these tactics are useful in any sort of argument.

It’s the point is arguing does not produce positive result. You stick at it long enough, you might wear each other out and get some sort of resolution, but it’s not the best way to go about it. It really isn’t. And the odd thing about humanity is we’ve never learned this. We’ve never learned it. We’re still arguing millennia on from our original, uh, trudge around the Garden of Eden or wherever we originated.

So there you go. So those are some ideas on how to prevent an argument, how to stop it. And did you know, uh, and it has been established by John Gottman in America, scientifically, apparently, scientifically proven that 69% of the things you argue about in your home life have no solution. What is the right religion?

What is the best time for bedtime? Everybody has their own opinions on these, so there’s no right way. You have to have a compromise. You have to have a vision, you have to discuss it. So the argument isn’t the problem. It’s the way you’re discussing it. That is the problem. Arguments end, but of course, the problem doesn’t.

The problems still there if you haven’t resolved it, and the argument won’t have resolved it. So look at ways in which you’ve settled other contentious issues without arguing, and use that as a model. Come back to it time and again, and it’ll serve you very well. Don’t waste 40 years like a lot of couples do.

Figuring it out or just wearing each other out, sort it out while you can at the beginning of your relationship and work towards a shared vision. This has been Tiny Cast. I’m Barry Wibo. If you found this interesting, please like, share or comment. You’ll find more on this topic on my blog@barrywinbolt.com.

And if you have a question or a topic you’d like me to cover, you canemail me at info@barrywinbolt.com. Have a great day. All the best. Bye for now.

Listen to the podcast here: How to Stop an Argument and End the Pain