couples argue constantly

When couples argue constantly it’s often about their differences. This is a truism, but that doesn’t make it any clearer. The point is, that differences don’t have to lead disagreement, though they so often do.

If you are lucky, once emotions have cooled you’ll be able resolve the difficulty between you (though not necessarily the differences). There’s often a stumbling block though because both cannot agree to end it there.

Heated arguments

Heated arguments produce heated emotions, which in turn perpetuate heated arguments, which then fuel heated emotions….. You get the picture. When couples argue constantly nobody wins and the cycle of destruction can cause a whole set of different problems. For example, communication breakdown and eventual impasse.

One of you may be willing to make peace in the interests of harmony, but the other thinks that a truce or partial solution is not enough; they want a final, complete and binding answer, right away. But what if there is no answer?

To put it another way, one may accept that overcoming the tension or DIFFICULTY between you is enough for now, but the other sees the DIFFERENCE as the problem and wants it resolved.

There are many cases where arguments cannot be solved or cleared up completely. Maybe the interests and values of the people involved are so different that total agreement is impossible. Or maybe one party genuinely believes that partial agreement doesn’t get them what they want.

Either way, the difficulties rumble on and the problem, whatever it is, never get addressed, much less, resolved.

Turn down the heat

It’s not worth trying to repair things that can’t be fixed. A relationship can still function well and happily provided both of you are able to allow space for difference. Following an argument, a partial solution is better than none, and it can become the platform from which you can both work together to strengthen your relationship.

Don’t try to force a solution. Allow the situation to live with a question: “How can we live or work with these differences?”

I’m a psychologist, coach, and therapist. All my work is aimed at enabling people to improve personal aspects of their lives and work.


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