Where’s the Sharp Stick?
The stick stops us getting over things and can prolong the agony. It can also do the opposite. For example loving thoughts can provoke compassion, sexual thoughts can generate lust and nostalgic thoughts can produce sorrow.
The Tuesday Challenge
As it's Tuesday, and you might be wondering how you could add value to your week, here's an idea. From today (or tomorrow if you need a day to think about it, that's usually enough to kill off any idea we are unsure about), make a pledge with yourself that, for the rest of the week, you won't say anything negative about another person. (In the unlikely event that you've already reached this exalted state, substitute 'think' for 'say'.) For the rest of us, you can think what you like, just ...
When We Label It Difficult
We can all fall into the trap of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by anticipating, say, failure or difficulty. A more subtle but equally effective strategy for limiting our outcomes is to make hasty judgements, either because we don't think about it or because we go with someone else's opinion without checking for ourselves. I originally wrote this for some notes on my Difficult People training, but it applies to many situations where we label things.
Preaching Doesn’t Get People to Love Themselves
If you've ever tried to persuade somebody that their deeply held beliefs are just one way of looking at things, you'll know how tough it can be to get them to agree. Therefore it's a waste of time telling others to love themselves, without first doing it for yourself. Examples teach more effectively than words alone ever can.
Confusing Cause and Effect Only Confuses Things
What is most urgent for most people when they are suffering is to reduce the pain. When I ask people in distress “Which is most important, to understand why you have this problem, or to be free of it?” they almost invariably reply “to be free of the problem”. It helps to distinguish between cause, why something happened, and the effect, what needs fixing to have relief from a problem.
The Positive Power of Procrastination
Procrastination is often bandied about as implied criticism. I am calling for a new deal for delay, or a proposition for postponing things. Ed Milliband once spoke about Predators and Producers; those who do nothing and ‘take’ vs those who do something and ‘give’. To stay with the rhetoric of politics, I’m suggesting a third way, Procratination may be Nature’s way of saying ‘not yet’.
The Ingredients of Confidence, With Your Help
I’d love it if you could attend the first of my free monthly webinars on 11th February. Partly because I want to reach as many people as possible with these ideas. Mostly though, because I’d really value your feedback after the event. It’ll be easy to send me your reactions because I use a short, web based survey to collect the information from you. There are still some places left, so please sign up.
Dialogue is Devalued by Careless Use
Dialogue is a distinctive kind of communication that allows people to connect and build shared meaning. The term is often misused, and this leads to devaluation, misunderstanding and missed opportunities. I have produced a free Dialogue Toolkit as a guide. You can download it via this post.
Improve Your Life in 365 Easy Steps
Improving one's life needs consistent and persistent action. It's not a one-off exercise, more a lifestyle. The good news is that small steps are OK.
